Insanity, Thy Name is Caitlyn: A Pointless Diary
by angellwings
Summary: Am I the only person that's attempted to avoid keeping a diary? It just always felt like such a cliché girl thing. My whole life I've avoided diaries like the plague.
1. June 1st, 2010

**A/N: **Blame Poet on the Run/Beth for this. She's so good at the journal/diary style of writing that she's tempted me to try it. Let's see how this goes. If you haven't yet, go read her story "God Save the Jonai"…IT'S AMAZING. Also, she was a MAJOR help with this story. She helped with the Caitlyn-Secrets, The title, and numerous other things! Also, thanks to JDPhoenix! She read over and corrected some things too! Enjoy!

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Insanity, Thy Name is Caitlyn: A ****Pointless**** Diary**

by angellwings**

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**June 1****st****, 2010**

Am I the only person that's attempted to avoid keeping a diary? It just always felt like such a cliché girl thing. My whole life I've avoided diaries like the plague. My thoughts are far too embarrassing to risk someone reading them.

I know what you're thinking. What embarrassing thoughts can I possibly have?

Trust me, I have lots of embarrassing thoughts.

Most of them contradict with the way I act.

I'm secretly not as cynical as I seem. Yes, okay, I'm cynical. But I can occasionally be optimistic. Especially when my thoughts are private. And even though I totally believe fairy tale endings are bogus…I know them all by heart. I'm secretly hoping that I'm wrong and the fairytales I know so much about can, in fact, be real.

So, why have I suddenly started writing down my private thoughts?

My cousin feels I need an outlet. I snapped at her the other day, and when I apologized I told her that my mind was overwhelmed and she spoke to me at the wrong moment. She said, and I quote, "Overwhelmed? Oh Caity, this is why people keep journals." I tried to tell her it wasn't a big deal, but she wouldn't have it. Apparently, I've been really grumpy lately. I didn't know this, but ALL of my siblings and cousins can't be wrong.

As a going away gift for camp my cousin gave me this diary. A diary! She tried to tell me it was a journal and not a diary, but even I know there's NO difference at all. The only people who insist on calling it a journal are the people who are living in denial. The teenage boys that say they keep a journal KNOW deep down that it's really a diary. They just refuse to admit that they're doing something that girly.

But I KNOW it's girly so why lie to myself and claim that it isn't?

Yes, that's right. I, Caitlyn Gellar, am keeping a diary for the first time in my life.

I'm writing down my thoughts for a non-existent audience. I'm talking to no one. Wait, if I'm talking to no one then why am I doing this? Am I writing this for myself? So that I can read it years down the road and look back on how ridiculous I was? That just sounds pointless. I'm pretty sure I'll remember how ridiculous I am. I should write this for someone else.

But who?

I really don't want my aunt, uncle, or parents reading this. My brothers and my cousins would tease me mercilessly if THEY ever read it. Ugh.

WHO's left? My future kids?

MY FUTURE KIDS! That's brilliant! I would love to know what my parents and authority figures were really like when they were my age so it stands to reason that my kids will want to know the same about me one day. I need names though. I can't just address them as "kids" the entire time, and maybe I should just limit myself to one. Hmmm…okay probably a girl. I don't think a boy would want to read his mom's diary.

Okay, future daughter, what should your name be? It should be classic yet not elderly. Unique but not weird. Striking but not distracting.

*sigh*

Wow, I'm not picky at all am I?

Okay, names.

Angela

Charlotte

Katherine

Jane

Elizabeth

Lydia

Marianne

Eleanor

Esther

…

…

Most of those names are from Jane Austen novels. Ugh, I'm a romantic against my will. Alright, time to eliminate the losers. Not Angela. I hear Angela and I think of Angela from the Office. No thank you. And Lydia's out. No way I'm naming my daughter after the second most obnoxious Jane Austen character ever. Second only to her mother. Marianne's a no too. I know I spelled it differently but I still keep thinking of Gilligan's Island. Katherine reminds me of Wuthering Heights. I hate that novel. I mean really HATE it. Elizabeth is too popular. Jane and Eleanor are a little too boring. So it's between Esther and Charlotte.

Oh man, I like them both. I need a tie breaker.

…

…

NICKNAMES!

A bad nickname can torture a kid for the rest of their life. What nicknames can come from these names?

Esther:

Es

Essie

Est

Er

E

Charlotte:

Char

C

Charl?

Lot

…

GASP…

LOTTIE!

I LOVE IT!

Okay, Charlotte wins. My future daughter will be named Charlotte, and I'll call her Lottie. How cute is that?

Alright, Lottie, meet your mom. Yes, that's me.

Caitlyn Gellar.

I don't know what your last name is or what my married name will be (not that I'm really worried about that right now) but just about anything will work with Charlotte.

Anyway, you are going to read all about me, and you're going to start with Camp Rock: Summer #3. Summer #3 will be MUCH better than summer #1 where I followed Tess around like a lost puppy. THAT was a wasted a summer. Summer #2 was fairly awesome. I met my current best friend thanks to Summer #2. She wasted her first summer following Tess around like a puppy too. Her name is Mitchie, and I'm hoping you know her, Lottie. I'm hoping she's your aunt…or godmother…or something. You know, someone responsible for spoiling you. Filling you full of sugar and then sending you back to me.

LMAO, that totally sounds like Mitchie.

With her around Summer #3 is going to rock so hard!

I hear her boyfriend and his band will be back again, and I'm hoping she won't be too distracted by him to hang out with me. I don't think she will be, but I am slightly worried.

Anyway, you'll meet the cast of characters as they travel in and out of this summertime adventure. I meet the Camp Rock bus tomorrow morning, and I'll be arriving at camp tomorrow afternoon.

THAT'S when things will start to get interesting.

Camp Rock is ALWAYS interesting.

And now I've got to go. Daley (the cousin who gave me this diary) wants me to watch Leap Year with her.

Caitlyn-Secret #1: I want my own scruffy, bitter, sarcastic, Irishman. Just like Declan. So. HOT.

**10:58 PM**

Daley just told me I fail at diaries.

Apparently I'm supposed to include a time.

Seriously? Who cares what TIME I write things down?

Daley does…apparently.

I am no

**Caity, seriously. Just write the time. It helps trust me :)**

I cannot believe you grabbed the freaking pen out of my hand. Seriously, are you gonna nag Lottie this much? Because

**I don't nag. I suggest. Besides I'm older…it's my job.**

Okay, if you're going to keep stealing the pen I'm going to go sit in the arm chair on the other side of the room. DO NOT TOUCH THE PEN!

…at least not when I'm writing with it.

Now, seriously, I'm off to bed. Goodnight, Lottie.

IT IS NOW 11:15 PM. There, okay Daley? She knows the time!

Stop nagging me. YES, nagging!

;)


	2. June 2nd, 2010

**A/N: **Poet on the Run (Beth) is responsible for this chapters "Caitlyn-Secret". Anyway, I hope you guys like it. I'm kind of worried that the side pairing in this story will turn you guys off. Anyway, ENJOY!

**Insanity, Thy Name is Caitlyn: A ****Pointless**** Diary**

by angellwings**  
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**June 2****nd****, 2010 (7:57 AM)**

I'M ON THE BUS! HOW EXCITING IS THIS?

Oh man, I've missed camp. I mean I'm not there yet, but I will be in a matter of hours.

IN A MATTER OF HOURS!

Man, I'm pumped. 5 cups of coffee may have been a little much. But…it was Starbucks!

STRBX!

Haha, okay Baron is staring at me. And not in that "Man that girl is hot" kind of way.

In the "I'm totally at a loss and have no idea what the HECK is wrong with you" kind of way. LOL, and now Lola is staring at me.

Maybe they're wondering what I'm writing, and probably wondering why I'm laughing. I kind of like keeping them in the dark. It's fun.

And we're stopping. It's time for the second pick up. People are getting on the bus. Oh please, oh please, oh please DON'T take the empty seat next to me, people. Leave it open, leave it open, leave it—

Oh no, Ella's pausing. And now she's turning. She's putting her purse in the rack above my seat. Oh come on, please be sitting behind me or across the aisle. Please—

And she's sitting next to me. Darn it.

Oh, hi Ella! Um, you can totally read this from where you're sitting can't you?

And she nods. Right, foot in my mouth. Hold on, Lottie.

Okay, it's all good. I explained to Ella that it wasn't that I didn't want to sit with her it was just that I wanted to be able to stretch out later on in the ride.

And in case you're wondering I have, indeed, angled the diary away from Ella. I really feel bad about accidentally causing her to think I don't like her. Cause I do. I mean I don't really know her that well, but I definitely don't NOT like her. She's sweet, neither she nor Peggy were ever rude or mean like Tess. They just let Tess get away with being rude and mean which I used to do too back in the day so I can kind of understand that.

Alright, I have a new mission this summer.

Get to know Ella and Peggy better.

I should probably include Tess in that too. Probably. Ugh.

Oh, Ella's talking to me.

"So, you've started keeping a journal?"

"Diary."

"Is there a difference?"

"A journal is the bogus name for a diary that boys use when they don't want to admit to doing something so girly."

"Are you…writing down our conversation?"

"Well, yeah, I won't remember it word for word later so I may as well write it down now."

And Ella laughs at this. A small laugh, but it's still a laugh.

"Oh, Caitlyn, you're too funny."

"Um, thanks."

Am I funny? I'm not trying to be. I'm just writing stuff down…as I'm talking. Haha. Okay, so it is a little funny. LOL. Alright, time to initiate my plan.

Operation: It Girls

Yeah yeah, I know the It Girls broke up last summer, but it fits okay? Ella, Peggy, and Tess are the girls I'm trying to get to know and they USED to be The It Girls. It makes sense. Oops, I should be talking to Ella.

"How was your school year?"

"Pretty average. honor roll, school musical, and choral festival."

Honor roll? Musical? Choral festival?

Ella can act? And sing something other pop?

"You're in choir?"

She nods. "And drama club. We did 'Into the Woods' this year. I was the Witch. It was big fun. I love Sondheim."

Seriously? Alright, Ella's awesome.

"Me too. He's one of the best composers ever."

"My choir did a selection of his songs for our spring concert. He's brilliant."

AGREED!

"What about you? How was your year?"

"Boring. Same as every year."

"I know the feeling."

Ella sighed, and I had the feeling she wasn't talking about school. Could camp be…not so exciting for her? Well, I guess if I came to camp knowing I would never get a solo it would be boring for me as well.

"So, now that The It Girls are done are you gonna be a part of the Jams on your own?"

Ella smiled, and her face automatically brightened.

"Totes!"

Totes?

"Totes?"

"Oh, sorry, Totally. Totes is short for totally."

"Oh! Right."

"I've been working on my song book this year. I'm kind of nervous about performing by myself, but…if I don't try I'll never know, right?"

"Right."

And she is right. Peggy and Mitchie took that chance last summer, and they were amazing. It's Ella's turn to take that chance this summer.

"Are you going to sing anything this year? I mean your mixes are amazing and there's no one better on keyboards, but…well if I remember right you sing too, don't you?"

Ah singing, we have a love-hate relationship. I love it. I enjoy it quite a bit, and I'm decent. But I'm not the best in the world so I'm kind of self conscious about it.

"I don't know."

"You should. You're crazy talented. People should see that. That's a lesson I learned the hard way last summer."

I smile at her because she deserves it. She's proving to be even sweeter than I expected her to be. "Thanks. I'll think about it."

**11:35 AM**

And after that I stopped writing as we talked. Not because I didn't want you to know, but because our conversation was moving so fast that my pen couldn't keep up. Ella is awesome! You know how at first I wanted the seat all to myself so I could stretch out? Yeah, I was wrong. Talking to Ella was so much better than stretching out. It makes me wish she had come into her own sooner.

But that's okay. I told myself my mission is to get to know her, and now I know that I really want to get to know her.

:)

I had a totally awesome and productive bus ride.

And now, my friends…

WE'RE HEEEEEEEEEERRRRRE!

The bus has stopped. And everyone's getting off the bus. I should probably put this away now. I'll write more later.

OMG, I'LL BE SEEING MITCHIE SOON! Yay!

Okay, seriously, I'm putting this away now.

Later!

**10:05 PM**

Okay, so now it's lights out and I'm sitting in my bed with the diary resting on my knees, a pen in one hand, and a flashlight in the other. Which is why my handwriting is so messy. I apologize in advance if you can't read it.

So, Peggy and Ella are staying in our cabin. Tess opted out of it for reasons unknown to me. Although, I suspect that she and Peggy haven't been getting along lately. Things were tense between them at the Jam tonight.

I still don't know what to think of Tess. I mean it's clear that she's trying, but I'm not sure how long she'll try. She's having difficulties adjusting her attitude and I'm wondering if she'll get tired of trying.

But I'm determined to not be my usual cynical self and give her a chance. DETERMINED, I tell you. I've already given Mitchie permission to smack me if I start to say something rude to her.

(Which she had to do at dinner. I know, bad Caitlyn!)

I tried to talk Ella into performing at the jam, but she chickened out. Just about everyone else sang their own song though. The jam was topped off by Connect Three. It was a pretty stellar night.

And that's BEFORE the hug.

"What hug?" you ask?

I'll tell you.

I was sitting at a table with Mitchie minding my own business when we were rushed by Connect Three. Yes, WE. Shane grabbed Mitchie and a few minutes later he grabbed me. Weirdo. But that's not the hug that made the night stellar. Shane hugged me so that I would insult him. For some reason he enjoys hearing me taunt him.

No, JASON hugged me. JASON. Who I have only talked to once. I talked to him at the wrap party after last summer's Final Jam. I automatically thought he was adorable. He's so positive and joyful. I've sort of been crushing on him from afar since then. I mean it's not too serious, but he's just so completely precious that I can't resist.

Anyway, he remembered me! ME! Seriously! He saw me, exclaimed "CAITY!", and then hugged me like…like…we were BEST friends. I was speechless. SPEECHLESS!

Me! I'm never speechless! NEVER!

Everyone was staring at me like I grew a third head or something while I stuttered. But if Jason noticed he didn't show it. He put me down, then sat down, and stole a few of my fries. Strange, but completely charming.

Anyway, after the jam we all went to our cabins to finish settling in. I finally got to talk to Peggy. She's really feeling the pressure. Apparently she thinks everyone expects her to be amazing after winning Final Jam. Plus her duet with Shane was added as a hidden track to Connect Three's last album which automatically made her feel like everyone expected something major to happen for her very soon. I really felt for her. I have no idea what that kind of pressure feels like, and I really don't want to know.

Oh, and Mitchie won tonight's jam. She rocked. She's been working on her sound all year. Apparently she's been working with this group of guys. They've sort of been her back up band. They've played all kinds of local gigs and stuff. She says they'll be joining us at Camp tomorrow. They all go to a private school and didn't get out until yesterday.

Mitchie says that they're really talented. (She didn't notice, but Shane kind of looked worried while she talked about them. Again I say, Weirdo. It's obvious Mitchie only has eyes for him.)

Alright, well, I think I'm off to bed. All in all, Lottie, it was an amazing first day back at camp. Have I told you that I love this place? I mean really, really LOVE this place.

Caitlyn-Secret #2: I kind of liked Connect Three's overproduced sound a little. Not because of the overproduced-ness, of course. But because I could hear their talent under all of that.


	3. June 6th, 2010

**A/N: **this one's a little short, but I hope you enjoy it! :) **  
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Insanity, Thy Name is Caitlyn: A ****Pointless**** Diary**

by angellwings

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**June 6****th****, 2010 (11:47 PM)**

AHHHH! Don't hate me!

I know! I've been terrible about keeping you updated! But it's been crazy here! Really, really crazy! So those guys Michie's been working with…

CRAZY TALENTED AND S-E-X-Y!

Seriously, holy cow. Who knew guys that beautiful existed? (Well, aside from Jason, haha.)

But this did not seem to make Shane very happy. I sort of enjoyed his pain a little bit. He's ridiculous. Mitchie is not interested in any of those guys. She has on the other hand hinted that she wants to set a few of them up with the rest of us single girls. Oy, maybe she's just as much of a weirdo as Shane. Seriously, they're attractive, but being set up is AWKWARD!

Ella didn't seem very excited about the idea either (despite the fact that she's been flirting with one of them quite a bit.) Anyway, we've told her not to, but I doubt she'll listen. In the meantime I plan to harmlessly flirt with the beautiful musicians.

Also, we started class today. Jason's class is by far my FAVORITE! I'm learning to play the guitar! I mean I know how to play piano and keyboards but I've always struggled with the guitar. My cousin Leo tried to teach me…but no matter how many times I tried the chords I always got them wrong. Leo got sick of it, and stopped trying to teach me. But Jason is AMAZING. He's so patient and I'm TOTALLY getting it. It's very exciting.

Nate's class is cool. It's all about song composition. He's very good, although…he is a little stiff. I'm thinking he just needs a few days to adjust. But you will never believe what happened in his class today! Ella totally blew him away! He looked so shocked by her song. I think his shock kind of hurt her feelings actually, but she did a good job trying to hide it.

Brown's class was as always amazing, and Shane…well…I always hate to show the guy up. Why does Brown have him teaching a dance class? Seriously, he's decent, but…sometimes his moves make me want to laugh. I can't help it. He's so over the top. Haha!

And I love Dee. She's awesome. She tries too hard to sound cool but she knows a lot about how to properly use your voice.

Anyway, that's the rundown of my classes.

Oh, and Ella just stormed into the cabin.

After lights out…wait.

Where was she? And why is she storming around?

She has now retreated into the bathroom. What the heck is going on?

Ella's not usually emo like this. Something must have happened.

…everyone else is still asleep. Okay, I'm going to talk to her. I can't let her hang out in the bathroom all night. Here we go.

**2:15 AM**

And I'm back. I was in there with her for a lot longer than I expected.

You know how I said Ella was awesome earlier? Well, she's also the sweetest person I've ever met. Turns out she's not sunshine and rainbows 24 hours a day. Yes, it's true she's upbeat and positive, but I found out she really doesn't like to show people her more depressing emotions.

I can tell you she's not exactly successful at it. Her feelings are always written on her face. You just have to really look at her to see them.

And sadly not many people truly look at her.

I can kind of relate in that way. I sort of feel like the invisible girl around here. The observer, if you will. I don't really think many people, aside from Mitchie, ever truly look at me either.

Ella and I had a great talk. I really enjoyed it. But I'm guessing you want to know why she was upset.

Well, you know how I said I thought Nate's shock hurt her feelings earlier? Yeah, I was right. He caught her as she left one of the rehearsal cabins to make some "suggestions," and apparently she yelled at him. Yes, Ella yelled. I mean I knew she had yelled at Tess last summer…but that had been building up for two summers.

After her yell/rant she and Nate got into it. Apparently he called her a coward for hiding behind Tess for so long, and she called him a "cold joyless conceited jackass." Which inwardly made me chuckle. (Ella cursed. I find that funny. Plus, picturing Nate's face as she said this was priceless.) But while I enjoyed the story, it was clear that Ella felt terrible. She didn't like to be mean. She told me she had always tried to be nice to everyone, and if she couldn't be nice she normally just stayed silent.

But Nate had obviously pushed several of Ella's buttons.

And, somehow, this does NOT surprise me.

I don't think Nate quite knows the difference between constructive and rude. I'm just basing this off of his comments in class. They're very blunt…almost too blunt.

Somebody needs to tell Nate to rethink his approach or this is going to happen a lot more this summer. I told Ella that she should probably apologize for the way she phrased what she said. I don't think she should apologize for WHAT she said…because, well, I think Nate probably needed to hear it. But she was a little harsh. He should apologize too, and if he doesn't he and I will be having a talk.

I've never really talked to him before, but based on how upset Ella was I'm totally willing to scold him for her.

I have class in the morning (Jason's class! Yay!) so I need to get some sleep. Later!

I'll keep you updated on all the drama. xD

Caitlyn-Secret #3: Sometimes I mess up a chord on purpose just to make Jason reach over and make my fingers form the right chord. :P


	4. June 7th, 2010

**A/N: **And here begins the real drama. Haha. Enjoy!

**Insanity, Thy Name is Caitlyn: A ****Pointless**** Diary**

**June 7****th****, 2010 (5:31 PM)**

DRAMA ALERT!

Nate refuses to admit he did anything wrong. He and Ella didn't even acknowledge each other in HIS CLASS. It was weird. On top of that Tess and Peggy are still not talking. I'm starting to see Tess's resentment about Peggy winning the Final Jam. I'm beginning to think Tess is jealous of Peggy, and Peggy just seems frustrated that Tess can't let it go. It's sort of sad. Tess is almost on the right track. The only thing holding her back is this thing with Peggy. OH, and Shane HATES Mitchie's back up band friends.

*clears throat*

Speaking of Mitchie's band friends…

One of them looks exactly like Declan from "Leap Year." Okay, not exactly, but he's scruffy, has blue eyes, and an Irish accent. Yep. His name? Taylor. Is it terrible to have a crush on two guys at the same time? Cause I do. Jason and now Taylor.

But back to the drama.

I'm this close to smacking EVERYONE! Seriously.

Shane just needs to get over himself and trust Mitchie. Nate needs to apologize. Tess needs to get over Peggy's win.

AND THEY ALL NEED A SMACK!

Ugh, I'm beginning to think Jason and I are the only sane ones. We're the only ones who are DRAMA FREE. Being drama free is so nice. Plus since we're the only ones without drama we spend a lot of time together. That's always awesome. Speak of the devil…

"Caity!"

(Yes I'm back to writing things down as I talk to people)

"Hey, Jase!"

"What's with you and the journ—"

"Diary. It's a diary."

"Ah, got it. Journal's the wimpy name, right?"

(HE GETS IT! YAY!)

"Right!"

"Then what's up with you and the diary?"

"My cousin gave it to me as an outlet."

"Okay, but you don't actually have to write in it, you know."

"Yes I do! How else will Lottie know what I was like?"

Crap, I said that out loud. I meant to write that down.

He grins at me like he's amused. Gah, he's so adorable.

"Lottie?"

"Um, yes, Lottie."

"And Lottie is?"

"My future daughter. Don't judge me."

"Caity, you're writing down our conversation as it happens. If I haven't judged you yet…I think you're safe."

And cue my blush. That's mildly embarrassing. What am I supposed to say to that?

"So, you named your future daughter Lottie?"

"Charlotte, Lottie for short."

"I like it. So, the diary is for her?"

"Yeah, I didn't like the idea of writing down my life for a non existent audience. It just felt wrong."

He chuckled, "Makes sense to me."

"Really? Cause Mitchie thinks I'm a little ridiculous."

"No way, It gives the diary a point. I like it."

"Finally, someone gets it."

Oh no, dang it. Here comes Nate to ruin my Jason time. Darn you, Nate Black!

"Hey guys."

"Hey…Nate."

Did Jason sound disappointed? xD

I think he did!

"Hey, Nate."

"So…what's—Caitlyn?"

"Yep?"

"What are you writing?"

"Our conversation."

"For what?"

"Her future daughter."

And this is why I have a thing for Jason.

"Um…okay. Anyway, what's up?"

"Just enjoying being drama free."

"I'm drama free."

I laughed. So did Jason. When another person laughs with me I don't feel so bad.

"What? I am!"

This is where I roll my eyes. "Seriously, Nate? You and Ella won't even LOOK at each other. I call that drama."

"She's the one who yelled at me."

Jason rolled his eyes too. "Yes, because you told her 'your song is good, but here's how to fix it.' Who wouldn't yell at you?"

"I was just trying to help."

He looked confused. It was as if he had no idea what went wrong, and it suddenly hit me. He really DID have no idea.

"Nate, you don't hear yourself when you 'make suggestions,' do you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You come off…condescending. Like everything the other person did was wrong and they shouldn't ever question your advice."

"Well, they probably shouldn't."

And now I'm glaring at him. He's smirking like he's joking…but this is totally not the time.

"Okay, I get it. You think that I'm not nice enough, right?"

Jason snorted, "Enough? You're not nice at all. You're so concerned with getting your suggestions out there that you don't even think about your words."

"That's what you did with Ella, right?"

"I didn't mean to be rude."

He's looking at me with a conflicted face.

"Tell her that. Not me."

He groaned. "I don't like apologizing."

"Dude, get over it."

I smiled brightly at Jason's stern face. This was a side of Jason I'd never really seen before. The wise older "brother" side. It was nice. And, again, completely adorable. *sigh* Am I using that word too much?

Without another word Nate stood up and left.

"Am I the only member of Connect Three who deals well with other people?"

Yes, yes you are, Jase.

And I'm only assured of this further when I look up and see Mitchie stomping across the dining hall with a pouting Shane hot on her heels.

It's time to head out for the Campfire Jam. Ella might actually be singing tonight. Turns out Nate's criticism made her extremely eager to prove to him that her song was perfect the way it was. I'll update you when it's over.

**8:45 PM**

ELLA WON THE JAM!

She won her first solo Jam! It was amazing! I noticed that Nate kept trying to get to her, but couldn't get through the mob that surrounded her the entire night.

And, yes, when Ella finally got back to the cabin she had an almost evil smile on her face. I'm certain she knew he was trying to get to her and couldn't. Yes, Ella enjoyed herself tonight. I barely got to talk to her because she spent most of the night flirting with Wes (Wes=extremely beautiful drummer from Mitchie's back up band.) BUT the few minutes I did get to talk to her led to her introducing me to Taylor.

TAYLOR!

Did I tell you I hadn't actually ever met him?

Cause until tonight, I'd never spoken directly to him.

He's extremely chill. We spent the entire night rolling our eyes at Shane and Mitchie. Oh gosh, would he think I was weird if I recorded him talking? Cause I would love to put that on my iPod so I can listen to his accent wherever I go. Not only that, but oh man…his voice is so low and sexy. Just listening to him talk makes me all gooey.

…

…

Anyway…

Back to Mitchie and Shane.

Mitchie spent the night glaring at him while Shane tried to stutter apologies every 5 minutes. Apparently he accused her of having feelings for Mike (the last member of Mitchie's back up band. Lead guitar. Which I'm sure you've realized means Taylor plays bass.) Once we got back to the cabin she ranted to me for a bit. Oy. It made me realize just how little time I've spent with Mitchie so far this summer.

She's always with Shane. The only time I see her is in class and at meals. I haven't brought it up to her yet. Maybe once all of Shane's insanity has passed things will change. I mean it's still early in the summer. Eventually the novelty of Shane will wear off, right? Oh, and there's a knock at our door. Ella's answering it…

It's Nate. Haha, man he's persistent when he wants to be.

Dang it, they're talking out on the porch. How am I supposed to hear them when they're on the porch?

Peggy's pressing her ear against the door. Apparently she's curious as well.

"He's apologizing."

"Good. And?"

"She's saying she might have overreacted."

"And?"

"Nothing, it's silent. Oh! No, okay. He's offering to start over and be friends. And ASKING if she wants him to take a look at her music."

Asking? That's new for Nate.

"Good for him!"

"She's agreeing to let him."

O.O

So, Nate's going to be giving Ella writing pointers? I guess Ella plans on helping Nate learn to be less condescending. This will be interesting.

Uh oh, she's coming back in. Peggy's on my bed…and we're pretending we were talking.

"Oh please, I know you were listening."

Busted.

"Nate's going to be helping you with your music! That's awesome!"

"It's as much for him as it is for me, Peggy. He gave me permission to call him out if he forgets to be nice."

Oh I cannot wait to hear Ella's stories. It's going to be EPIC. And there's another knock.

This time it's Shane.

Geez, is there a sign above our door that says "Connect Three PLEASE visit…while we're all trying to get ready for bed."

Because I really want three famous rockstars to see me in my pajamas.

Oh no…Jason wouldn't come over would he?

No, he wouldn't.

…

…

Oh NO!

He just walked in behind Shane.

I'm in my CHOCOCAT PAJAMAS. WHY? Why me?

"Cute jammies, Caitlyn."

Glaring at Shane. He's a dead man.

"Get a haircut, you look like a girl."

Haha, he's touching his hair, and looking at the mirror on our wall. He'll be getting a haircut soon. Totally calling it.

"Is Mitchie here?"

"She's brushing her teeth."

"I'll wait."

"GO AWAY, SHANE!"

Yeah, that was Mitchie. Yelling from the bathroom.

"COME ON, MITCHIE! Will you just TALK to me!"

He's whining. Like little boy whining. How in the world does Mitchie DEAL with that?

Jason's suddenly sitting on my bed. I had almost forgotten he was here…seeing me in my pajamas.

Awesome-note the sarcasm.

**I think your PJ's are cute. **

**Chase me all you want Caity, you're not getting this back for a while. While Shane begs for Mitchie's forgiveness I'm going to run from you and write in your diary.**

**Because I can. **

**By the way…that comment about Shane's hair. Awesome. I really wish I had taken a picture of his face…priceless. **

**You hit me! **

**WITH YOUR ALARM CLOCK!**

**That hu**

Jason fell, but he's okay. And the alarm clock didn't do any damage.

Well, it flattened a curl, but that's it.

He's just dramatic.

NO! You are not getting this back! GAH! Hold on. It's clear that if I don't stop writing soon Jason's going to hurt himself (AGAIN) trying to get this diary out of my hands. I'll be back after he leaves.

**10:35 PM**

Oy, Jason's a riot.

Turns out he stole the diary so that I would pay attention to him. Too cute.

Oh, and when he was running from me I did throw my alarm clock, but my clock is tiny. It BARELY hit him. And then almost immediately after he tripped while trying to climb over Mitchie's bed.

It was hilarious, but then of course he needed to be babied.

Because all men are wimps. They just have a lot of macho bravado to cover it up.

I had totally forgotten there were other people in the cabin until Mitchie and Shane suddenly got all giggly. Not long after that Shane got a text from Brown reminding him about lights out. Both he and Jason left.

As soon as the door closed all eyes turned on me.

"What was that?" Mitchie had asked me with a smirk.

I told them what I'm telling you. NOTHING.

Gah, just because we were goofing off doesn't automatically mean something is going on. There's no way Jason would see ME like that.

Ugh, I don't have the energy to get into WHY right now, so you'll have to trust me on that. Okay, I'm going to bed now. I really don't want to think about this.

Caitlyn-Secret #4: I refuse to get my hopes up about Jason. If I do…well, it will hurt.


	5. June 9th, 2010

**Insanity, Thy Name is Caitlyn: A ****Pointless**** Diary**

**June 8****th****, 2010 (9:09 AM)**

Wow, my last bit of yesterday was really depressing, wasn't it?

Okay, I won't be writing much today. I'm being attacked by menstrual cramps. YUCK.

**June 9****th****, 2010 (7:52 PM)**

OHMYGOD.

Mother Nature hates me.

Yep.

Mother Nature and the Universe in general HATE MY GUTS.

Or more accurately my uterus.

Holy cow, I honestly think it's being stabbed by an invisible force right now. SO. MUCH. PAIN.

…

…

I'm so glad I'm writing this diary for my daughter. Cause a boy would be scarred for life after reading that.

Ugh, this is one of those days where I want to curl up into the fetal position and DIE. Except the fetal position isn't helping at the moment. It just makes things WORSE! So instead I'm laying on the hardwood floor of our cabin. I'm laying on my stomach with my legs stretched out behind me.

I've been in this position ALL day! I didn't even go to my classes today. Not a single one. Not even Jason's. And you know how much I love Jason's class.

SPEAKING OF JASON. I have another reason why the Universe and Mother Nature ARE TEAMING UP TO DESTROY ME!

When I didn't show up to his class…HE CAME TO VISIT.

While I was stretched out on the floor just like I am now. Yeah…AWKWARD. He wasn't the first visitor I had today. Dee had come to check on me earlier. It would have been Brown (oh the horror!) but Mitchie intercepted and convinced him Dee should visit me instead. (Have I mentioned that I love Mitchie dearly? Because I DO.) So instead of having to explain to Brown that I'm suffering from menstrual cramps I got to explain it to an extremely sympathetic Dee. She even brought me some Midol from the nurse's station. (Dee=AWESOME)

So when the screen door opened behind me I assumed it was one of the girls or Dee coming to check on me again, but sadly…it was not.

"Um, Cailtyn?"

My reaction upon hearing Jason's voice: SHITSHITSHITSHIT

That's a direct quote from the brain of me. No lie.

"What are you doing here?"

"I heard you weren't feeling well…what are you doing?"

"Um, you know, just chillin' in the cabin."

"You're chillin'…on the floor?"

"Yeah, Jase…this is how I chill."

I know, I'm sad and pathetic. But what was I supposed to say?

MY UTERUS HAS FALLEN OUT OF MY BODY AND THE PRESSURE OF THE HARD FLOOR MAKES ME FEEL BETTER, OKAY?

That would have gone over REAL well.

I'd thought Jason would stare at me like I was crazy for a few minutes and then leave, but he didn't. NO HE DID NOT. He actually got down on the floor next to me. Had this been any other day I would have been ECSTATIC. But today I looked like CRAP. My hair was all over the place, and I was in my black sweats and a yellow cami. Hardly my usual decent looking self. I slowly looked over at him as he lay on his stomach next to me.

"No offense, I love having you around, Jase, I do. But could you…um not be here?"

I regretted it the instant it left my mouth. His face fell dramatically. I didn't even know a person could look THAT crushed. But he still didn't leave. Nope, he just looked away and uttered one heart wrenching word.

"Why?"

I had to tell him the semi truth.

"Well, I look like crap."

He laughed. HE LAUGHED. (It was a cute laugh too, darn it.) "Oh, is that all?"

IS THAT ALL? Hello, I'm a girl. I like to look nice for other people. Especially the boy I'm kind of sort of totally in love with. *sigh* geez. Besides what did that mean? "Is that all?" Did that mean I looked horrible everyday so today was no different? Or did that mean he didn't mind me looking terrible? Or did I not look terrible at all and my shabby appearance was completely mental?

Seriously, Lottie, WHAT DID THAT MEAN? I still don't know.

When he didn't move I took that as him refusing to leave. And as long as he wasn't too disgusted to be in my presence I was okay. Albeit a LITTLE confused, but he was a good distraction from the pain.

"Um, so…how were your classes?"

"Okay I guess. That last class was really boring."

"Why? What happened?"

"You weren't there."

Um…WHAT?

"Me?"

He laughed again. And I melted a little. OKAY, I melted A LOT.

"You make things interesting, Cait."

"I do?"

He gave me this look. Like it was a completely obvious statement. Seriously, how do I make things interesting? I thought it was HIM that made things interesting. Not me.

"No way, your class is interesting because of you. You're the instructor."

The totally hot guitar playing and guitar SPINNING instructor. Have I mentioned that Jason is even MORE adorable with curly hair? Cause he is. Apparently while I stared at one of his more rebellious curls (it was pointing upward in the opposite direction of the rest of them…so cute.) he had said something. I missed it.

"Caity? Did you hear me?"

"Huh? What?"

"I asked if you think you'll feel better tomorrow."

When he repeated this he smirked at me. Like he just KNEW what had distracted me. Did he know? I really hope I'm not THAT obvious.

Would I feel better tomorrow? Um, well, I certainly hoped so. I'd go insane if I had to deal with another day of Mother Nature's revenge. And not the harmless crazy muttering type of insane. Oh no, I'd go ax murderer snapping at everyone in sight insane.

And I don't think ANYONE wanted that.

Except maybe…Mother Nature.

You know because of her unreasonable hatred of me.

"I really truly hope so."

"Good! So, what do you want to do?"

"Do?"

"Yeah, what do you want to do?"

"When? Tomorrow?"

"No, now."

"Um, continue laying here?"

He nodded, "We can do that."

And that's what we did. Seriously, he just laid there next to me for the rest of the evening. We talked about things of zero long term importance, and I completely forgot about my cramps. I was pretty proud of myself. I was only distracted one other time after that. He decided to do some sort of puppet show and I caught sight of the calluses on his hands.

Caitlyn-Secret #5: Calluses are HOT. What? They are. Especially when I know they're calluses from playing the guitar.


	6. June 13th & 14th, 2010

**A/N: **This is for Suburbs! She was the very first (and one of the only people) to review the last chapter! So also...this story is going to be shorter than I thought. I had to combine June 13th and 14th because June 13th was DISGUSTINGLY SHORT and would not make a good chapter on it's own. So, Enjoy! :) BTW the song in this chapter is "Might Have Been" by Kate Voegelle.

**Insanity, Thy Name is Caitlyn: A ****Pointless**** Diary**

**June 13****th****, 2010 (11:00 PM)**

I had lunch with Taylor!

Oh, and sorry for going MIA. There was really nothing to write about while I was hiding out in my cabin suffering from cramps. Well, Jason came by every day. We didn't really do anything. We just talked and relaxed. It was nice.

Anyway, I HAD LUNCH WITH TAYLOR!

It was just me and him. I don't know how Ella did it.

Yes, Ella. She deflected any possible interruptions. I don't know how, but she did.

He told me he wanted me to meet him in Rehearsal Cabin A later. He wants my opinion on a song he wrote. It's just gonna be me and him and his GUITAR! Oh man. So excited.

Guess who Ella ate lunch with while acting as my cover fire?

WES. and guess who pouted the entire time?

NATE.

I think Nate might be a little attached to Ella. Just a little.

I don't think Ella noticed though. If she doesn't soon I may have to point some things out to her.

Oh, Jason just walked into the cabin.

"Um, we need to talk."

…I don't like the sound of that. Hold on.

**11:45 PM**

JERK.

I never thought I would say that in reference to Jason.

JERK. He's a big JERK.

He tried to tell me Taylor wasn't quite interested in me the way I thought he was. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. I told him that too.

"Just don't get too attached, Caity."

EXCUSE ME? Since when is it his business?

It's not so much what he said. It's how he said it.

LIKE THERE WAS NO WAY TAYLOR COULD EVER HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME.

You know, I may not have ever had a boyfriend (Caitlyn-Secret #6), but I think I'm a very awesome girl. It's very possible that a guy could have feelings for me.

Apparently Jason doesn't think so.

But it IS possible.

JERK.

What does he know? I'm meeting Taylor tomorrow and there's nothing he can do about it.

I'm going to bed. Ugh.

JERK.

**June 14****th****, 2010 (10:15 AM)**

I just got into it with Mitchie.

Ugh, see this is why Daley bought me this diary. I was supposed to write down what I was feeling so that I wouldn't blow up at people.

Apparently I haven't been writing about Mitchie enough because I COMPLETELY exploded AT her. I feel terrible.

She was just trying to talk to me about Jason. But I couldn't help but wonder why it took an argument with Jason for her to take some time off from Shane.

It went something like this:

"Caitlyn, you don't get it. All summer long you and Jason have been—"

"All summer long? We've only been here a couple of weeks! And how would you know? You've been too busy sucking face with Shane to notice anyone else!"

"What?"

"I've barely seen you all summer because you've either been fighting with or making out with SHANE. He's taken up ALL of your time."

"Cait, he's my boyfriend."

"And I'm SUPPOSED to be your best friend, but you wouldn't know it from my end!"

I walked away after that. So, now I've yelled at the two people I'm closest to here at camp. Ugh. Me and my big fat mouth. *sigh*

I'm supposed to meet Taylor in about 5 minutes. So I'm gonna go. Be back later.

**12:47 PM**

…

I suck.

Not only that…but I'm just plain dumb.

**1:30 PM**

Oh, and Jason was right. Jason was totally right.

Hence why I'm dumb.

Ugh, I missed lunch. I'm too humiliated to show my face.

Someone's coming. Hold on.

**1:40 PM**

What the heck is Jason doing in the theater? I'm came here because it's ALWAYS empty.

I'm hiding. I'm lying on the floor in between two rows of seats. I can see Jason's feet a few rows up in the aisle.

NO ONE IS SUPPOSED TO BE IN HERE.

Why must I be so stubborn?

Jason tried to warn me. He tried. But I wouldn't listen. He told me not to get too attached and he said it like he knew something. Something I didn't.

Apparently, I was so blinded by the possibility of Taylor that I didn't see how clearly he was crushing on someone else. Get this…

Mitchie.

The guy is head over heels for Mitchie.

THE GIRL WITH THE BOYFRIEND.

He asked me for my opinion on a song he wrote for Mitchie.

Oy, my life is a big trashcan full of poop.

O.O

SHUT UP STOMACH!

My stomach just growled and Jason's feet are suddenly pointed in my general direction. Nonononononono. Jason can't find me. Do you know how humiliating that would be? He knows how much of an idiot I am. No guy could ever think of me like that. Seriously, what was I thinking? I'm never ever going to have a boyfriend. I'm going to die a lonely old maid with a whole lot of ferrets.

Because cats are too boring. If I'm gonna have a lot of one type of pet it would have to be ferrets.

My eyes are watering and my nose is running. Don't sniffle, don't sniffle, DON'T SNIFFLE! I sniffled. Jason's feet are at the end of my row now. Damn it!

His feet are shuffling down the row, and now they're stopped in front of me.

CURSE MY FEMALE EMOTIONS.

"Caity?"

Don't look up. If you don't see him, it isn't really happening.

…he's laying down on the floor facing me.

"Caity…will you stop writing and look at me? Please?"

No, I will not. No. I refuse. He will not see my eyes all watery. He won't!

Wait, what is he doing? He's reaching ov

**3:00 PM**

He took the pen out of my hand and closed my diary.

That's what happened at the end of that last part.

And he refused to give it back until I went with him to the kitchen and let Connie help me find some lunch. His classes were done for the day and he told Brown that I wasn't feeling well. Then we sat in the kitchen in silence. He just sat there waiting for me to talk. I felt bad. I had to give him something. So I said:

"You were right."

I expected an "I told you so" or an "I tried to tell you." But he didn't say either of those things. No, he said:

"He's an idiot."

"What?"

"He's an idiot. I mean he's stuck on Mitchie when YOU were right in front of him. Idiot."

And I smiled. I couldn't help it.

"So, you don't think I'm completely unappealing?"

His brow furrowed (and I remember what he said next perfectly), "Unappealing? Are you insane? Caity, you're beautiful."

UM, not to quote Hannah Montana or anything but…

GUITAR SPINNING ROCKSTAR, SAY WHAT?

Jason thinks I'm beautiful? SINCE WHEN?

I had nothing to say after that. Not a thing. What do you say when someone calls you beautiful? "Thank you" just seemed completely awkward. And "You too" just sounded lame in my head.

So I did what I do best…changed the subject.

"So does Shane know that Taylor's crushing on Mitchie?"

I found out that Shane does not know, and neither does Mitchie. Nate and Jason were the ones who saw it first, and Nate told Ella who told Jason that I had been harboring a little crush on Taylor.

You want to know the sweetest thing about all of this?

Jason said that he had never meant for his warning to sound insulting. He had been trying to "protect" me. HE WANTED TO PROTECT ME!

And I slandered him in my diary. Called him a jerk.

Jason is by far NOT a jerk. He's sweet and adorable.

And just so beautifully strange.

He walked me back to the cabin and told me to rest. He said if I didn't he would know. I don't know how he'd know, but I'm not doubting it.

Oh, Ella's back. And ambushing me.

She hugged me and now she's talking to me.

"I'm sooooooo soooorry, Cait!"

(yes she said it with THAT many O's)

"For what?"

"For pushing you toward Taylor! I could have sworn he was into you! Nate was right. I should have just stayed out of it. Gah, I hate it when he's right."

"Ella, it's fine really. You didn't know. I'm okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Really, I'm fine."

Here's Mitchie.

Oh gosh, what to say? How do I fix this?

"Caitlyn!"

And she hugged me. Today is a really huggy day, apparently. She put a hand on my forehead.

"I heard you weren't feeling well. What happened? Are you okay? Do you need some soup or something? Or maybe some—"

"Mitchie, I'm fine. I just had a bit of an emotional breakdown today. That's all."

"About our fight?"

"Um, it was more about mine and Jason's fight, but that definitely didn't help."

"I'm sorry I've been such a terrible friend! You're right. I just never get to see Shane, really, but then again I see you even less than him. The rest of the summer will be better! I promise to make time for you! I didn't realize how much I missed you until today! I mean I lo—like Shane, I do, but I'm always with him. I've MISSED you."

I smiled when I caught her slip up. Couldn't help it.

"So, you love Shane, huh? Can't work up the courage to tell him?"

And now we're talking about boys. Please do not let her ask me about Taylor.

"So, how are things with Taylor? How did your thing with him go today?"

Oh gosh, what to say? What to say?

"Um, not well. Turns out Jason was trying to warn me that he liked someone else. He asked for my opinion on a song he wrote about another girl."

"Oh, Caits," Mitchie said as she reached over and patted my hand. "Is that what the breakdown was about? Did you go hide in the theater again?"

She knows me too well.

"I did."

"Wait, I usually have to bribe you with chocolate to get you to come out. Who got you out of there? And HOW?"

"Jason."

Mitchie's smile is creeping me out. It's one of those really big ones of hers that I usually find so cute. (Really, the perfect word to describe Mitchie is CUTE. In that fluffy bunny sense.) But this time her smile is sort of all knowing. Like she holds the key to some sort of big secret.

"He came and practically dragged me out of there. Your mom made me lunch in the kitchen and we talked."

"About?"

"Taylor."

"And?"

"He thinks Taylor is an idiot and…"

"And?"

"He called me beautiful."

OW. Ear splitting squeal. Geez.

"Caitlyn, please tell me you see what's going on?"

Um, huh? Apparently the look on my face says everything I'm thinking.

"Caits! Jason likes you! You know, likes you!"

AGAIN.

UPBEAT BEST FRIEND WITH THE BIG SMILE, SAY WHAT?

"No…he doesn't."

Mitchie's staring at me…with that no nonsense look I've seen from her mother. "You like him too."

"Well, DUH. But…he's not supposed to like me. No one ever likes me. Not like that."

"Jason does."

She sang that. The annoying kind of "you know I'm right" singing too.

"Okay, let's say you're right and he does you know…have a crush—"

"Understatment."

"Hush. Have a crush on me. What do I do about it?"

"You tell him how you feel about him."

"Gee, you make that sound SO simple."

She didn't have to tell the guy she liked him. All she had to do was sing a song and save her reputation in front of a hundred campers and he was all over her like white on rice.

Lucky duck.

"YOU should SING how you feel!"

O.O

"Mitch, I'm not you. Singing and me…well we have a complicated relationship. Besides…do we live in High School Musical land? I think NOT."

"Oh please, you've got an AMAZING voice. You should sing at the next jam! The Beach Jam! Caits! Do it!"

NO! I will not sing. I will not.

"C'mon! You'd totally rock!"

She's giving me a puppy face, and not like a fake sad puppy face. A real genuine puppy face that is WAY too convincing. Oh gosh, I feel my resolve weakening.

Stupid puppy face.

"I'll do it."

"You've got to have something amazing in that songbook of yours. All of your songs are amazing."

Oh boy. I'm putting this up before Mitchie beats me to my song book. She knows all of my hiding places.

**7:27 PM**

We picked a song. It was actually the last one I wrote. It was during the menstrual week from hell when Jason was visiting me every day.

Would you like a peek of the song?

Why am I asking? It's not like you can answer, ugh.

_I break away from every situation like this one most times baby  
But since you been round here I've given in, my dear, to your captivation daily  
I'm not the type who gets voted most likely to be victimized by those old butterflies but  
You're the exception your love is infectious, and the fever is climbing high._

Oh man, I'm nervous. The Beach Jam is two days away. TWO. I have to rehearse the instrumental, arrange the mix…IN TWO DAYS.

Darn Mitchie and her big ideas.

Okay, breathe Caitlyn. You can do this. Just grab a rehearsal cabin, record what you need, and mix it. You just have to get started.

Oh boy.

Alright, I'm gonna go get started. I've got two and a half hours before lights out.

**10:30 PM**

Quick update because I really need to go to sleep. I'm getting up early in the morning before classes start to work on this thing.

DRAMA ALERT (for people who aren't me)

Nate found Ella laying down side by side with Wes on the pier and he FREAKED. Again, they argued. He's standing outside of our door mumbling apologies as I write. Ella's still trying to decide whether or not to let him in. If she's going to let him in she needs to do it soon. Brown will notice if Nate's gone too long after lights out.

…she's still sitting there. Okay, this is ridiculous. I will not be able to go to sleep with Nate mumbling on the other side of the door. Be right back.

I let him in, and now I'm out on the porch with Peggy and Mitchie while Nate and Ella talk.

"What do you think happened?"

"Ella said that all she and Wes did was talk. They're friends."

That makes me grin. "You have to admit she has been pretty flirty with him."

"But even if that's so, is that really Nate's business? I mean are they dating? No, they're not. He's helping her with her songs."

Mitchie had a good point. Clearly, Nate needed to admit a few things to Ella and himself.

Okay, so this quick update isn't going to be so quick, apparently.

…

…

…

Really?

"Ella, I'm sorry for being a jealous jerk."

"That's okay Nate. I probably overreacted."

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO DO THAT? I just wrote that out in like five seconds.

It can't take that much longer to SAY it. Can it?

And the door's opening. Nate's coming out. He's smiling. SMILING.

…what happened?

Do I want to know?

Probably not, but do I HAVE to know? YES!

First though, I'm going inside. It's chilly!

Okay and we're all back on our beds. Peggy starts us off.

"Nate was smiling…what happened?"

Ella is smiling extremely brightly. You know…I think she just might be the prettiest girl at camp. Random thing to think I know, but it's true.

"He apologized."

"That's it?"

She's blushing. I doubt that was it.

"That was it."

"Liar. But I'll let it slide tonight. It's late."

Ella and Peggy sound like me and Mitchie. "So, we're not gonna hear the story?"

"Caits, it's almost 11:30. Don't you have to be up early tomorrow?"

Ugh, this is going to bug me. "Yeah, okay."

Caitlyn-Secret #7: I had a teeny tiny crush on Nate before I met Connect 3. But it dissolved the second he smirked at me and asked if I was colorblind. (His band mates insisted he was joking and he apologized later... but he still has no tact.)


	7. June 15th, 2010

**A/N: **LAST CHAPTER! YAY! This chapter contains lyrics from "Might Have Been" like the last chapter and "Disgusting" by Miranda Cosgrove. Also I'm posting the first chapter of the follow up tonight! Look out for: "**Hopeless, the Sad Fate of Nate Black: A** **Dumb Diary**". And again thanks to Poet on the Run and JDPhoenix! Also thanks to all of you who reviewed! (specificially suburbs and Standard-Ang3l) Thanks so much! Enjoy!

**Insanity, Thy Name is Caitlyn: A ****Pointless**** Diary**

**June 15****th****, 2010 (1:23 PM)**

I'm hiding. Again.

But for different reasons.

Jason thinks I've been working too much. He's trying to keep me from my laptop and the rehearsal cabins.

HE'S MAKING IT VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME TO WRITE THIS SONG FOR HIM.

Seriously.

The Beach Jam is TONIGHT! Luckily, the instrumental is mixed and ready to go, but I haven't had much time to rehearse thanks to Mr. Overprotective. Oy.

Why can't Ella be my distraction when I really need one?

*sigh*

No, she can't because she's somewhere unknown with Nate. (Who missed his classes today. He NEVER bails on his classes. *clears throat* Ella wasn't in class either. Suspicious much?)

Back to me.

I didn't hide in the theater this time. Jason would look there first.

I'm hiding in Brown's office in the administration building. (I, um, managed to get a key. Let's hope I get out of here before Brown shows up.) Jason definitely won't find me here.

Oh no. The door knob is being unlocked. HIDE, HIDE, HIDE!

…

…

BUT WHERE?

**1:33 PM**

I'm cowering under Brown's desk.

ALL OF CONNECT THREE IS IN HERE.

What is with my luck with hiding places? HOW DO THEY FIND ME?

Seriously, is there some sort of beacon that lures Jason to WHEREVER I try to hide?

xD You know, I kind of like that idea. A Jason-Signal would be nice. I could just flip the switch and there he would be. Like a more endearing version of Batman.

You know, a Batman that doesn't break the legs of mobsters.

"Do you guys hear scratching?"

O.O

Gotta go.

**2:00 PM**

I'm back in my cabin, but I've locked myself in the bathroom. Even if (when) Jason finds me he won't be able to come in. HA!

*singing tauntingly*

BTW, I know where Nate and Ella were.

*evil smirk*

And no they weren't making out behind the dining hall. Although…that would be some progress.

No, THEY WERE WRITING A SONG.

Seriously, they were writing a song.

Ooooo, scandalous.

(Sarcasm)

But apparently to Nate writing a semi-profound song is as exciting as making out. He was flipping over the moon. I mean I love music. Passionately love music. But I think Nate's THOUGHTS are made up of musical notes and treble clefs. No lie.

That's what they locked themselves in Brown's office to talk about. Nate writing a song with Ella and angsting over what to do about his feelings.

Jason did manage to fit in a small worried rant about me. "She's obsessed with whatever it is she's working on. She's going to burn herself out at this rate." I melted. He's worried about me. *pathetic mooning sigh* It's really disgusting how I feel about Jason.

O.O

SONG IDEA. No! I don't have my song book.

Okay, Lottie, you're going to have read a random first draft of a chorus.

_It's disgusting how I love you  
I can't take it, I should hate you  
Cause your messing up my name.  
Gotta walk my talk, my fame, but I just want to touch your face._

_It's disgusting, how you've changed me.  
From a bandit to a baby.  
Think I might gotta change my name,  
If I'm gonna walk this walk of shame.  
Look at what you do to me.  
It's disgusting._

Geez, new total of songs written about Jason: 16

SIXTEEN!

Mitchie was in shock when we were looking through my songbook the other night.

It really is disgusting. The mushy sort of disgusting.

Okay, and I've got 5 hours until the Beach Jam.

FIVE HOURS! OMG! OMG!

How am I going to do this? Jason will be in the audience.

WATCHING ME! LISTENING TO ME!

Oh no. OH NO.

!

Sorry, that wasn't me freaking out. There was a bang on the door. Hold on.

AHHHHH!

Okay that WAS me freaking out.

It's Jason. AGAIN!

I'm gonna be SO unprepared for this Jam.

Ugh, I give up. Jason is too persistent for me to EVER find time to practice. GEEZ!

If my performance sucks I'm totally blaming him.

"Caity! I know you're in there! Put down the diary, and get out here!"

NO!

…just because I like to listen to him squirm.

"Caity. The door is locked, and I can hear your pen scratching against the paper."

*sigh* I need to learn to stop writing when I'm trying to hide.

"Oh, and I KNOW you were hiding in Brown's office earlier. Some advice: stop writing in that diary when you're trying to be covert. It's a dead giveaway to your position."

Position? We're not in the military, Jase.

"Oh for crying out loud, do NOT make me beg like Shane. Because I will whine if I have to."

"OH GOOD LORD, NO!"

Woops, said that out loud. Is it possible to HEAR a smirk? Through a door?

"I knew that would get you to talk."

Darn him! How does he know these things about me?

"I'm still not coming out there."

"Why not?"

"Because I like listening to you try to convince me to open the door. It's entertaining."

"Evil."

"Yep."

"Are you going to make me wait in your cabin all day?"

"I might."

"Evil AND cruel."

"Was there any doubt?"

"Not really, no."

"Okay, now THAT was cold."

I am in shock. Jason was successfully sarcastic. LOVE IT.

"There's a jam in a few hours," Jason reminded her.

"I know. I-I'm performing in it."

Oh gosh, should I have told him that? Should I have left it a surprise?

"You're performing? Then why on Earth did you lock yourself in the bathroom? Shouldn't you be rehearsing?"

OH. MY. GOD.

*headdesk*

Okay, I don't have a desk, but if I did my head would be on it.

SERIOUSLY?

"Because you haven't left me alone ALL day! Not that I don't enjoy your company, but I can't make the song a surprise if you keep showing up when I try to rehearse."

"Well, why didn't you just tell me that? I would have backed off if I knew you were working on a song for the Beach Jam."

*headdesk*

Why didn't I think of that?

"Okay, can I be left alone to rehearse?"

"Absolutely. Can you come out so I can at least _see_ you before I leave?"

"Deal."

Be back later. After I talk to Jason for a bit and rehearse.

**6:45 PM**

I'm as rehearsed as I can be! Oh my goodness.

I'm the second performer! SECOND!

Okay, okay, I…have to go. I can't put together sentences right now.

Can't. Nope.

Later.

**9:45 PM**

…

…

…

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPP!

I…what…how…um

WHAT THE WORLD!

I don't…how do I…AHHH!

**Hi, Lottie. Caitlyn isn't quite here right now. **

**Let me fill you in. **

**SHE WON THE JAM!**

**Oh, and hi…I'm Jason. I don't think we've met. **

**She blew everyone away! And I mean everyone.**

**Tess was glaring. So you ****know**** she was blown away. **

**And I think I was the MOST blown away. Not because of how talented Caity was…**

**Because let's face it…how could anyone NOT see she was insanely talented?**

…**but because of the actual song. **

**I've been singing it in my head all night long. **

_**Well, I hope you don't mind if I fall asleep on your shoulder,  
Now turn out the lights and let the night begin.  
And I hope it's alright if you're still mine when we're older,  
Cause I wont spend another day wondering what might have been.**_

**It's very hard to explain how those lyrics make me feel. **

**I would like to explain it to Caity, but she's sort of in shock right now. **

**She's having trouble talking. It's pretty adorable. *clears throat***

**I…just wrote that in her diary. CRAP. **

**Should I mark it out? Why am I asking a book? **

**Okay, it's very hard NOT to write down everything you're thinking when you've got a pen in your hand a diary in front of you. No wonder Caity's addicted to this thing.**

**She's jumping up and down and screaming with Mitchie right now. I need her to calm down for a moment…so that I can talk to her. **

**And here she comes…um, yeah. Lottie…you're gonna have to hide. **

**11:30 PM**

Um…my face is red. I'm blushing. ME. Blushing. For TWO reasons.

1. I just read Jason's entry in my diary from earlier. (3)

2. Jason and I had a talk…THE talk.

So, obviously, I couldn't think straight earlier which is why Jason took my diary and said he would update you for me. And that's apparently when he wrote what he did.

But then…I finally calmed down enough to talk to him.

We went down to the pier, and sat on the edge. I didn't know what he was going to say, but I knew what I was going to say. I was going to tell him exactly how I felt. I was not going to chicken out!

Only, Jason beat me to it, haha.

We sat in silence for a long time. I guess, like me, Jason was trying to find the words.

"So, I loved your song."

"Thanks."

"I can't get it out of my head."

"Neither can I."

"It made me realize something."

"What's that?"

"That I can't put this off anymore."

"Put off…what?"

You what he did next, Lottie? Do you?

HE KISSED ME. KISSED ME!

And it was niiiiice.

Okay, way better than nice!

JASON GREEN KISSED ME!

Oh my goodness.

And then he said…

"You should date me."

Hee hee. He's adorable.

"Yes, Jason, I think I should."

We sat on the pier and held hands. I love his hands. I think I've said this before. His calluses are sexy.

"How long have you—"

"Liked you?" Jason gave me this look as if it should be obvious. "Caity, I've liked you since I met you. How could I not?"

HE'S LIKED ME SINCE HE MET ME!

Why am I so oblivious? WHY? All this time I thought it wasn't possible…WHILE HE WAS PINING AWAY.

"What about you?"

"Since we met at the wrap party."

"So, we've liked each other this whole time, and we've wasted half a month hiding it?"

"Yep."

"We're dumb."

"Agreed."

"I'm going to kiss you again."

I laughed at that. He said it so matter of factly. "Making up for lost time, Jase?"

He didn't bother answering me. He just swooped in for another kiss.

*sigh*

BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

Seriously, how will the rest of the summer top this day?

Answer: It won't. It can't!

We talked for a while longer and then he walked me back to my cabin. Everyone else is already asleep so I won't wake them to tell them what happened. I'll have time in the morning.

This summer has already been the best summer of my life, and I have a feeling it's only going to get better.

Caitlyn Secret #8: Before we came back to my cabin we stopped by Connect Three's, and guess who I saw writing in a** diary**? Nate. Haha. Nate has a diary. I just might blackmail him into letting me read it. (If only because it would drive him crazy.)


End file.
